late July I hopped on a plane, said a momentary goodbye to my beloved New Mexico, and went back to Massachusetts for a quick visit. once my feet touched the pavement it was almost as if i never even left. an odd statement, considering how now it was warm and humid, and when i left there was still a solid 3 feet of snow on the ground. was it all a dream?
so far a lot of my tarot spread for the year had been true. i’ve been asked a few times if i really believe in this stuff. deep down, definitely (allowing for misreads, mistakes, and interference of course). out loud, i can’t be so sure. but regardless, I think it is a unique way for you to be presented with a series of images, and meanings that can trigger you to think of whatever you are going through in a different way. so perhaps it’s not so much like fortune telling, but reflection. as the saying goes hindsight is 20/20.
the only month, so far, i cannot agree with is July, the Hermit. while i was presented with a lovely opportunity to get involved in learning from the herbalist/astrologer i was doing a work trade for, i feel like i spent a lot of time with others. shirking quiet moments in order to fully live my summertime here in Taos with the lovely group of transient friends i had found. perhaps this is where my life went off track. perhaps it was just the way things were suppose to go. regardless i have no regrets.
when i saw the Eight of Swords for August it was too eerily true. this was the month i had to be back in Massachusetts. the Seven of Swords suggests feeling trapped, questioning why you are in the place you are, and what is it that keeps you here. when planning this trip i knew i had to be back for my cousin's wedding. in the beginning of 2015 i assumed this to be about my return home. feeling stuck in Massachusetts. as time got closer and i decided to stay out in the southwest the Eight of Swords meaning became unclear. was i going to feel stuck in my three week stay back east, or was it in fact talking about feeling stuck once i returned to New Mexico?
Scorpio is a fixed sign. even with their dark fascination with destruction, change is something they resist. this resonates perfectly with me. i don’t mind new situations but the in between moments never sit well. once back in the northeast for the first three weeks i was in love all over again (in the way that new experiences do). the rose colored glasses were on. i was surrounded by all the people i loved and wished i could pack up in my suitcase and take with me. i got to spend time with people i wish i had gotten to know better before i left. i was working at the Crompton again. I read Tarot for the first time at the Canal District Farmers Market and it was a hit.
i knew Taos wouldn’t be the same when i got back. i didn’t really know what was in store for me. there was comfort here. suddenly i worried the Eight of Swords was about going back to the place i fell for. i told myself it would be fine. it was just that resistance to change. it was comforting and lovely here because it was a reunion. a visit. i would be just as tired and fed up as i was in March if i stuck around here.
then an unforeseen tragic event happened to my friends who are my family. i had to stay behind. i rescheduled my flight to be pushed back a week so that i could be there for them. i made that commitment because life is hard and unfair and sometimes all you can do is be a shoulder to cry on for those who you love.
within the first three days since i made the decision to stay i had a moment of overwhelming emotion. the situation was intense. death always is. i tend cope with my feelings by running. avoiding. something i’ve gotten better at, but it’s still the first reaction. i was hoping being faced with the end of life would put the previous things i was upset by onto the back burner. put them into perspective. it didn’t. was this the Eight of Swords? why did i stay?