Face Your Limits
it’s official. i’ve been in New Mexico for a month. time really does fly.
i don’t really know where to begin, besides how amazing it is to disconnect from the hectic east coast life. to have terrible cell phone reception and internet connection. to say ‘sorry, i miss you, i’m okay, but i just can’t talk right now’. i know it drives my family crazy, but i just love not being reached. it allows you to really exist.
my days when i got to Arroyo Seco felt like they went on forever without scrolling mindlessly through the interwebs. unfortunately that didn’t last. now they fly by. i’m waking up early, staying up late, and still not getting everything done in the day that i want.
but that’s okay.
I envisioned this trip to be super productive. I was going to garden. learn about herbs. do yoga and meditation. i was going to make art. i was going to finally memorize the tarot deck. i was going to make things to sell. and send everyone mail. I wasn’t working a 50+ hour week. I had time.
when i got to the hostel, i hit the ground running. i planted a whole bunch of seeds and made soil. i dug irrigation ditches. i cleaned out the cabin i was staying in. dishes. i did. so. many. dishes. i organized the massive free pile in the common space. all in the first two days.
day three someone had a cold and everyone was starting to get sick. i went into the camp kitchen to make tea, and didn’t notice a pot had been boiling on the stove for so long it had made the kettle hot. i put cold water into it and the steam burnt both my hands. it wasn’t the worst, but it was pretty bad.
“watch out for your hands”
before i left i had my tarot cards read, and the woman slipped that in, in the middle of all the travel/new beginnings/spiritual learning talk. at the time i kind of brushed it off. I made sure i had gardening gloves. I put hand lotion on. but the moment my hands started to burn in the steam those words came rushing back.
My biggest mistake was trying to work through it, even as my hands ached, blistered, and peeled. Motivated by both an inability to stop working and this anxiety that i wasn’t doing enough. this was a lesson. this was life telling me to stop, slow down, and evaluate.
i wasn’t drawn here for the reasons i thought. i was brought here to learn a lesson i had been putting off for years. to learn my limits. to face living with difficult personalities. to realize my needs. to look out for myself. to know when to stop. i’ve recognized these bad habits, but i didn’t fix them.
but there is always time to learn.